Greetings all you bloodhounds sniffing out the fleeing perpetrator of Truth! Baba Doodlius here, with a Revelation of another Mystery of the Universe!
- (Note to self: come up with something better than "bloodhounds" next time.)
I am going to confess something to you today: For many years I thought I was
Why, you ask, did I feel this way? Well, it was because I had this persistent ringing in my ears, a low, almost imperceptible background "hum" that I thought was purely imaginary. Plus, anyone who has ever experienced ear-ringing (also known as "tinnitus") knows that if it lasts for any significant length of time it can drive you batshit crazy all by itself!
Recently, though, modern science has taught me that I was actually NOT going insane. I wasn't hearing non-existent sounds - I was hearing a REAL sound!
I was hearing the humming of the Earth itself!
You don't believe me, do you? "The Earth doesn't hum, you stupid crazy bird", you're saying to your computer screen right now! Well Mr. or Ms. Smartypants, check this out and then tell me how stupid and crazy I am!
Earth's Hum Sounds More Mysterious Than Ever
For those of you to busy (lazy?) to click the link to read the story, it starts off with this:
"Earth gives off a relentless hum of countless notes completely imperceptible to the human ear, like a giant, exceptionally quiet symphony, but the origin of this sound remains a mystery... Researchers call it Earth's hum. "
Yep, the Earth is humming. You read that right, the planet you live on is emitting a constant, albeit very quiet, hum that is imperceptible to human ears. Unfortunately for me (in this case), I am not a human, and I happen to have super-tuned auditory reception capability that can pick up sounds that no other earthling can detect! (Sometimes it's hard being the Great and Powerful Baba Doodlius!)
So what's up with the Earth and it's "relentless hum"? What could this possibly mean? And how can we ever understand the immense cosmic significance of this "giant, exceptionally quiet symphony"?
I knew that there was only one way to answer such questions: I, the Great and Powerful Baba Doodlius, must become
One with the Earth!
Here's me becoming One with the Earth. "Ommmmmmmm!" Or as when electricians meditate, "Ohmmmmm".
I got into some serious meditation to make this happen. I managed to reach a state of Supreme Oneness with the Earth Itself! I felt a kinship with the planet you live on! I got so friendly with Earth that we struck up a conversation. It went something like this:
Baba Doodlius: Hi there Earth! Howya doin'?
Earth: Baba! Whazzup!?!
BD: Oh, not a heck of a lot, just doing some meditation. Hey, this "altered-state-of-consciousness" stuff is seriously cool!
E: Oh, don't I know it! I've been getting high on diesel fumes ever since humans invented internal combustion! It blows my mind, man!
BD: You know, you really should lay off that stuff, dude, it can really mess you up. Reduces life expectancy and all.
E: Yeah, you're right. I'm trying to cut down.
BD: Smart planet!
E: Hey I've been around for billions of years, I ought to have accumulated some wisdom, you know.
BD: Billions of years? You don't look a day over 500 million!
E: Oh stop it!
BD: No, you look great! Have you been moisturizing?
E: Well, my surface is 75% water, so I guess I kinda have been by default.
BD: And it's really working!
E: Thanks Baba! You're too kind!
BD: Say, Earth, I have this gig where I solve Myseries of the Universe, and...
E: Oh yeah, that blog of yours! I read that all the time, it's tremendously informative as well as entertaining!
BD: You read my blog? A big, famous planet like you reads my blog? I'm flattered!
E: Oh, I love it! Except you don't post very often. Do you know your last post was almost a month ago?
BD: Yeah, well, sorry about that. Sometimes I just get busy doing bird-related stuff and I lose track of time. I'll try to put up stuff more often.
E: That would be nice.
BD: Anyway, as I was saying, I reveal Mysteries of the Universe, and there's one in particular you can help me with.
E: Is it about how much oil I have left? Because I can't tell anybody that, it would ruin the surprise.
BD: No, it's not about oil. It's about your humming.
E: Oh, that old story! Yeah, I hum all the time. Sometimes I even sing!
BD: So I'm NOT crazy! You really are humming!
E: Yeah, is that so strange? Everybody does it occasionally.
BD: I suppose that's true. So, what's up with that anyway? Why all the humming and singing?
E: Oh, well, that's no big secret - I've got this song stuck in my mantle and I can't get it out!
BD: Oh, that's horrible!
E: Tell me about it! Want me to hum a few bars for you?
BD: NO! No, that won't be necessary! I'd hate to pass along a stuck-song to all my readers out there (all seven of them).
E: Oh, it won't hurt to hear just a little of it. Here goes!
<-- Turn on your sound and click to hear the Earth's lovely song
BD: : AAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!!
At this point I snapped out of my meditative state, awash in a cold sweat, with those horrible, horrible notes going around in my head! Thanks a lot, Earth! He may be a decent planet, but he sure can be a real jerk sometimes!
If you would like to get this song stuck in your head legally, you may purchase it here.