post-foo The Thoughts and Sayings Of Baba Doodlius: Blast from the Past

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Blast from the Past

Howdy again all you powerlifters doing the clean-and-jerk of Truth! Baba Doodlius here, with a Revelation of another Mystery of the Universe!

I've got a Mystery Revelation this week that should have been taken care of a long time ago. It's one that goes back only 36 years, but it's one of those things that people dredge up off the bottom of the Great Cosmic Mystery Pile (GCMP*) every now and again and try to make a big deal of. And somebody did it again just the other day. I'm so tired of this one that I'm going to Reveal to all of you once and for all the Real Truth behind the Mystery of


D. B. Cooper!


If you've been reading the news lately, you may have seen that The F.B.I., that famous Institute of Mystery Solvers in the U.S. of A., has re-opened the 36-year-old case file of the infamous skyjacker known as D.B. Cooper, the only skyjacking in the history of the sky that has never been solved. Apparently the F.B.I. is once again admitting that this Mystery has them stumped.

So here's the whole story, in case you have forgotten it:

A guy calling himself Dan Cooper (later known as "D.B.") hijacked a plane out of Portland, Oregon, USA in November 1971, and demanded $200,000 USD and four parachutes. These being delivered to him, he ordered that the plane take off and head for Reno, Nevada (of all places). Once in the air, he strapped on a parachute and left the plane somewhere over Oregon with his bag of cash. The F.B.I. has been looking for him ever since.


Here's the composite sketch of D.B. Cooper. Yeah, I know, that could be any balding, non-descript, goofy white guy.

A couple of people have claimed to be D.B. Cooper during deathbed confessions, and the F.B.I. has had oodles of suspects, but nobody has ever been able to prove what happened after D.B. took his famous flying leap.

Apparently the F.B.I. is still looking, because they came out with a press release about ol' D.B. just a few days ago. Well, I'm sick of this Mystery cropping back up over and over. And, since I am the Great and Powerful Baba Doodlius and I happen to know exactly what happened to D.B. Cooper, I'm going to settle this once and for all, right now.

So here's the real story:


I am a bird, and birds are flight-capable (most of us, anyway - sorry to rub it in, Opus).

In case you were wondering, Berkeley Breathed does not know that I used this copyrighted picture of Opus the Penguin in this blog, and if he did I'm fairly certain he'd tell me to cut it the heck out.

So, when in 1971 I heard about all these D.B. Cooper schenanagins, I figured I'd check it all out for myself. Being a decent flyer, I went to Oregon and followed the route of D.B.'s plane. Nearabouts where he abandoned ship, I started looking around. After a short while I saw this scene:



Now that may not look like much to you, but I'm a bird with a great pair'o'peepers, so I saw exactly the evidence I was looking for. I'll zoom in a little so you can see what I'm talking about:



See that little mud puddle in the middle of all those trees? I'll zoom in one more time:



So there you have it. D.B. Cooper may have made quite an impression on the American psyche, but he made an even bigger impression on the mud of rural Oregon. Yep, the chute didn't open and D.B. went splat. No more mystery, F.B.I., so you can stop looking.

And the money, you ask? Well, uh, nobody ever found the money. Certainly not me. No way! And $200,000 wouldn't have bought that much bird food anyway, or a nice camera, or a house in the suburbs, or a really rollicking night with Betty Bluebird... uh, where was I? Oh, right, nobody ever found the money!



* - Great Cosmic Mystery Pile and GCMP copyright 2008, Baba Doodlius, all rights reserved

15 comments:

Tequila Mockingbird said...

he probably got a hot prosty and is holed up in some small caribbean city.

Sandy Kessler said...

i agree. fascinating though splat

detroit dog said...

$200k is not worth all the trouble. Even back then. He must have met a librarian and had a library fine.

Baba Doodlius said...

tequila: nope, no caribbean city. Splat. The photos don't lie.

sandy: you shoulda seen the close-up photo - fascinating yes, but really gross.

detroit: hmmm, good theory. I shoulda looked into that. But that would have taken more effort, and I'm a lazy bastard.

Poetikat said...

In 1971 I was only 10 and so not really paying attention to the news about D.B. and his skyjacking coup, so this was all news to me. How did you manage to narrow it down to the woods of Oregon? You're such a brainy bird! Perhaps some lucky forest-ranger found the remains of D.B. and the money and has been on the run ever since! Sounds like a good idea for a movie.

By the way, you never picked up your award from me way back in early December. If you check the Abominable posts, you'll see the info.

Glad you're back. I've entered you in the Valentine's Day contest at www.hyggedigter.blogspot.com

Kat

Poetikat said...

"Uh, Doi, doi, doi!!!" If you're old enough you'll recognize that from Looney Tunes.
I just saw the Medal of Awesomeness as I was about to leave your blog. OOPsy!!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alex the Cat who owns Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Mr. Baba Doodlius, I readed what you writted in my human’s blog about announcing your candidacy to be president. I will vote for you. I find birdies to be quite tasty.

odd facts said...

ouch!

detroit dog said...

Hey Baba,

I just read on the ASPCA web site that January 5 is National Bird Day!

Any facts to pass along?

barb michelen said...

Hello I just entered before I have to leave to the airport, it's been very nice to meet you, if you want here is the site I told you about where I type some stuff and make good money (I work from home): here it is

moooooog35 said...

That looks more like "Gingy" from the Shrek movies.

..so..no one ever found the money, eh?

..and just exactly HOW are you funding your truth-finding missions?

..and what are those...Ray Bans you're wearing?

Baba Doodlius said...

poetikat: Yep, got it! Thanks! Hooga!

alex: stick to KFC, please.

odd: actually, it didn't hurt me at all. Oh, you mean him. in that case, yes, ouch. But not for very long.

detroit: I applied to be the National Bird, but was turned down because I'm not bald. Bald birds get all the breaks!

barb: we know you're not a real person, so please stop spamming everyone's comments. You are a dick.

moooog: I said nobody ever found the money! YOU HEAR ME?!? NOBODY EVER FOUND THE MONEY!!!! So just GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT!!! AAAAAGGHHHH!

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Baba: Hooray, hooray I have time to read blogs today and yours was the first and what a pleasure to enhance my knowledge with such information. I had never heard of this guy DB Cooper. What a great idea he had. But, I am inclined to think his demise was of the "splat" factor. Once again you have provided me with something to peruse on Google!

Potter Pals said...

why on earth would a bird have a blog??? Eiether you are a crazy human, or you have an amazing bird. If you turn it in, you could make some serious $!!!