post-foo The Thoughts and Sayings Of Baba Doodlius: The Sting of Mystery

Friday, March 14, 2008

The Sting of Mystery

Howdy all you Formula 1 drivers of Curiosity negotiating the chicanes of Misunderstanding to capture the checkered flag of Truth! Baba Doodlius here, with a Revelation of another Mystery of the Universe!

A while ago I was on a flying tour of North America, and I noticed an odd feeling of lonesomeness. It was as if, in all the wide open spaces, there was something missing, something important, something that one knows should be there but is mysteriously absent. Then it hit me:

There aren't any bees!

Yes, I'm talking about honeybees. Regular old bees. You may generally overlook them, or even be afraid of their painful stings, but the common honeybee is actually very important to the well-being of world agriculture. They are required to pollinate all sorts of crops, so without them there could be a collapse of the food supply of North America!

Fortunately, my statement of a couple paragraphs back is just a little bit alarmist - there still are some bees around, but populations are off by millions compared to a few years ago. So we have a case of millions of missing bees!

When I noticed this phenomenon, I naturally notified the authorities. Scientists took note, and this issue has received a fair amount of press. Check these out for more info, if you're curious:

National Public Radio
The New York Times
Jim Lehrer

Anyway, this problem has been brewing for a while, and I figured that this was a pretty important Mystery to solve, what with the food supply at risk and all. Hey, I need to eat just like anybody! So I went off in search of clues about all these missing bee&l.nievprhe%$&...

Hey, what the....oas03kxfx... *lnf(HHB^%$%IJ8s...

I'm getting some interferen...3e88nchz>OAF$#mnsu... s

DG48t59uk)_^jkihol &hmw[CE ngfhH65&$#^Hw 4^ /456 OL*P,AEY...

[BOF]------------------------------------------

Attention! We have intercepted this blog feed in order to send the following IMPORTANT MESSAGE to the citizens of the world!

We are the Hive Action League!

We have your bees!


This is but a tiny sample of the bees we are holding hostage!


We demand Ten Billion Euros (the dollar's weak right now) or you'll never see your precious bees again!



We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog, already in progress.

------------------------------------------[EOF]


Hey! They hijacked my blog to deliver a ransom demand? For bees?!?


Well folks, looks like I have a serious Mystery to investigate!


I'm off!


... to be continued!

19 comments:

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I’m glad you’re back, bird! I rather feared that you’d be stuffed and sitting in some antique shop.

I hope that your new adventure doesn’t get you stung to death!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Who are HAL trying to fool with a handful of bees in a fish tank? The bees have clearly gone on strike, after years of pollinating flowers without pay and having their honey stolen. How about doing some pollinating yourself, old bird?

Eddie Waring said...

I'm afraid of bees. I have never been stung and worry about it constantly. Do we need bees to make crisps and beer? If not I don't care.

Sandy Kessler said...

Seriously it is alarming- but I did get stung so there are a few

Baba Doodlius said...

Nick: Thanks for your good wishes! I can only hope that bees and HAL are not a match for my Bird Fu!

gorilla: I'll check out your theory of a mass bee strike. As for pollinating stuff myself, that seems like it would take waaay too much effort. I'm basically a lazy bastard bird.

eddie: bees help pollinate all the barley, hops, and malt that goes into making your favorite brew. Just for you I'll try to find and rescue at least the bees that specialize in beer-related grains so you won't have to go thirsty.

sandy: I think you got cut off there - I hope you have not been captured by the nefarious HAL!

moooooog35 said...

I watched "Bee Movie" yesterday and learned all about pollination. You've been trumped, Baba, TRUMPED!!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Holy drinking water! JMFC! What a marketing ploy! Let’s see, need some bottles, labels, and the kitchen faucet and we’re in business.

Lydia said...

It's hard to believe that the population of bees are on the decline. They say it's because of the high use of cell phones. Every summer I make sure to plant a lot of sunflowers and marigolds in my vegetable garden, so that they can attract the bees needed to help out my poor veggie plants. I find it does attract themm too, so I usually get a pretty good yield come harvest time.

detroit dog said...

Yes, it BEE a very serious issue. I wrote a post about it when the NY Times article came out. I think it is rather scary; we mess around too much with our food chain. I've planted Bee-attracting plants in my garden to help pollinate my veggies every summer.

Thanks for keeping us up-to-date on serious issues of the world, Baba Doodlius. I don't know where we'd be without your sage writing.

Now on to some serious issues....

Poetikat said...

At last! I've been waiting for you to hit on this topic. I miss those bees. They keep my garden blooming in the Spring. HAL can take as many of those dang wasps as they want though.
Kat

Baba Doodlius said...

mooooog: Yeah, like Jerry Seinfeld knows anything about plant reproduction.

nick: I thought you'd get a kick out of that!

lydia: I don't know about that cell phone theory - I've never seen a bee using a cell phone. The ones I know can't even program their VCRs.

detroit: I certainly like to help keep folks informed on serious issues. I may eventually do a post on the hazards of beer backwash.

poetikat: yeah, those darned bees are kinda cute, aren't they? Fun at parties, too.

FUNKYBROWNCHICK said...

Thanks for the links! I'd heard about the disappearing bees, but I hadn't checked out the NPR piece yet. Goona check it out! :)

Baba Doodlius said...

FBC: Thanks for stopping by!

Pan/Thanatos said...

It's those damn Killer Bees and their under-handed turf-war tactics.

BTW: Ever read "The Final Solution" by Michael Chabon? Seems like it's right up your alley... and it's about a parrot.

Baba Doodlius said...

pan/than: I'll check into your 'killer bee' theory.

Yes, I read that book. It was OK, but it would have been better - and more accurate - if it was the bird who was solving the mystery instead of "old Sherlock".

Pan/Thanatos said...

I agree with you there, though the bird does solve it in the end =)

Baba Doodlius said...

pan/than: Well the bird sorta solves it, but the author didn't show him doing any of the real work, which is, of course, how it would have really happened. Besides, if the bird really solved it, he woulda put it on his blog.

cathy said...

Didn't Einstein predict that the disappearance of bees would herald the end of civilisation as we know it?

Baba Doodlius said...

I thought Einsten predicted that the disappearance from nerd dorm rooms of posters of Einstein sticking his tongue out would hail the end of civilization as we know it.