Hello again folks, and welcome to today's installation of the Baba Doodlius Mystery of the Universe Solution Center! Today I'm taking on an International mystery, one that has plagued farmers in Puerto Rico, Mexico, the United States, and several South American countries for decades. Recently this mystery has spread as far as Russia! Of course I'm talking about the legend of
The Chupacabra, translated literally from Spanish as "The Goat Sucker", is a beast that has been reported all over the globe. This critter's modus operandi consists of removing all the blood from farm animals, and since its earliest reported favorite meal was goats it got its now-familiar moniker.
So what, really, is a Chupacabra? Is it a fearsome vampire? A demonic space alien? Could it even be some cruel prankster with a Shop-Vac?
To get to the bottom of this mystery, I decided to do some personal sleuthing. Rather than relying on somebody else's grainy photographs (like in the earlier Loch Ness Monster mystery), I packed my trusty camera and took a trip to Texas, home of a fair number of Chupacabra reports. (Technically I should have gone to Puerto Rico, where most Chupacabra activity is reported, but the airfare was a killer!) I camped out near a bunch of goats and waited for my prey. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting for a Chupacabra to appear (it must have been *at least* 30 minutes!), I took the following series of amazing photos that, for the first time in journalistic history, show a Chupacabra attack *In Progress*! (Click any image for a larger version)
Well that really sucked.
You may doubt your own eyes when you see this incontrovertible evidence of the Chupacabra's real identity, but c'mon folks, have you ever been to Texas or Mexico or Florida or the Caribbean? The bugs they have down there periodically interfere with Air Traffic Control radar. Heck, the cockroaches have been known to eat Volkswagen New Beetles (I have a picture of that too, if you wanna see it). So really, the true identity of El Chupacabra shouldn't come as such a shock.
If you go outside today, don't forget to wear your Chupacabra repellent!