post-foo The Thoughts and Sayings Of Baba Doodlius: The one that started it all

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

The one that started it all

Howdy again folks. The Baba Doodlius Mystery Solving Service is once again open for business (rather like Scooby Doo and the gang, except I don't get to drive a green 1971 custom painted conversion van).

Today's mystery is a real doozy, the one that started the entire mystery business - and I mean that literally. Of course I'm referring to


People ask all the time whether the Big Bang really happened. It's a valid question, naturally, since all most folks have to go on with this one is the word of a bunch of scientists with large, expensive toys. Since they need to *pay* for all those toys somehow, they need to come up with some justification for why it should be *somebody else* who should be doing the paying. So would it be morally beyond these science-types to just make up a cool sounding story to convince investors (mostly from various governments) to open their wallets? The answer to that is: Absolutely not. They're just as fallible as the rest of us. Hell, I'd make up a cool story if it would get somebody to buy me lunch!

Fortuantely, in this case the scientists didn't have to make up a cool story - they're right, there really *was* a Big Bang. In fact, I hereby present you with a brief History of the Universe in which the Big Bang plays a very prominent part:

1) The Big Party (Mr. Universe meets Ms. Cosmos there)
2) The Big Open Bar (at which they get loaded on rum & cola)
4) The Big Morning Sickness
5) The Big Shotgun Wedding
6) The Big Natural Birth (Mrs. Universe would not recommend this)
7) The Big Potty Training
8) The Big Wedgie (from that bully Parallel Universe in grade school)
9) The Big Zit (on Prom Night)
10) The Big Virginity Loss (time sped up significantly during this brief period)
11) The Big Batchelor's Degree (in History, naturally)
12) The Big Scary Job Interview
13) The Big Mind-Numbing Corporate Career (time slowed down significantly during this period)
14) The Big Mid-Life Crisis (complete with procurement of The Big Sports Car)

That brings us to modern day. The Universe is currently middle-aged, and looking forward to The Big Retirement, followed by The Big Rambling Story To YoungUniverses, and probably The Big Shady Acres Assisted Living Facility.

There you have it. The Big Bang is real, and it eventually allowed all of us to enjoy this entertaining blog. You're welcome!

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