post-foo The Thoughts and Sayings Of Baba Doodlius: One you know you have always wondered about

Monday, July 23, 2007

One you know you have always wondered about

Your first reaction to today's topic will be "I've never wondered about that". But remember, I am the Great and Powerful Baba Doodlius, and I know all, so I *know* that you actually *have* wondered about this, even if you've only witnessed it once or twice in your entire life. I am referring to the phenomenon known as the

GHOST POO!

Not everybody is familiar with the terminology, so I'll explain: a Ghost Poo is a poo that you feel coming out of you, and you hear its little splashdown in the toilet, but when you stand up and look at it (yes, you know you look before you flush, just admit it - I know *all*, remember?) there's no poo in there! You *know* you made a poo, you felt it, you heard it, and >POOF< no poo is there. It's a Ghost Poo! Theories abound concerning what happens to Ghost Poo. Some say that the Ghost Poo rips its entry into the water so perfectly, like Greg Luganis, that it zips directly into the pipes without the need for a flush. Some say Ghost Poos are abducted by aliens for top-secret poo-related experiments. There is even a theory that Ghost Poo is literally supernatural, and that it crosses over into a higher plane of poo existence.

The reality of Ghost Poo is actually very simple and explainable by science. But in order to get to the reality of Ghost Poo, I must first make a brief jaunt into a cutting-edge area of modern physics, String Theory.

String Theory, in essence, is an attempt to explain all of the itsy-bitsy particles known to science. Particles like the electron and the proton are known to most schoolchildren these days, but modern scientists know of an entire alphabet soup of particles like fermions, muons, pions, boobions, honkions, and bajeebions. String Theory explains that all these exotic particles are actually vibrating strings, so small that not even an eagle with a microscope can see them. The tough part about String Theory is that in order to make the heinous theoretical mathematics work out, there have to be at least 10 dimensions in the Universe, and puny humans can only perceive 3 dimensions of space and one of time. So the theory says that the "extra" dimensions are really there, but they're so small that not even the aforementioned eagle can see them.

This theory is exactly correct.

So now you're probably beginning to see how String Theory is inexorably linked to Ghost Poo. When the Ghost Poo disappears, it does not really disappear - what really happens is that, due to a rare anomaly in the space-time continuum, all of the poo particles are spontaneously folded into the "extra" dimensions that are undetectable by humans. The Ghost Poo is still there, you just can't see it! You know it's still there, though, because generally just enough poo particles remain in your detectable dimensions so that you can still smell it, and that smell is definitely poo.

That's one more mystery of the universe down the toilet, courtesy yours truly, Baba Doodlius.

2 comments:

Azzitizz said...

What's that noise coming from the u-bend?.....

WOKKA, WOKKA, WOKKA!

Baba Doodlius said...

Ooh, clever comment on two mysteries at once! Kudos to you, azzy!