Ever get a strange chill down your spine? Ever heard something go bump in the night? Today's entry in the Truth-revealing business is:
Instead of beating around the bush for a paragraph or two, I'll say it right up front: Ghosts are absolutely real. Up to now, this blog has been rather impersonal, with me just showing pictures and telling you stuff. Today I thought that it would be more interesting if I were to get more personal, and let you get some insight on the subject from someone with first-hand knowledge. So I went out and found a ghost, and convinced him to do an interview. So without further ado, I'd like to present
Mr Ghost floating through the garden
Baba Doodlius: Good evening Mr. Ghost, and thanks for agreeing to do this interview. Actually, and I'm sorry if this offends you, but I can't tell if it's "Mr. Ghost" or "Ms. Ghost"...
Ghost: No offense taken, I actually get that all the time. You got it right, it's "Mr. Ghost", not that it really matters anymore.
BD: Why doesn't it matter?
G: I'm a ghost, dude, you can't have sex when you don't have a body. So it doesn't really matter if it's Mr. or Ms. Ghost, but technically I was a guy before so it would be "Mr."
BD: Ghosts can't have sex? Wow, that really bites. Is that the worst thing about being dead?
G: Come on, Baba, please don't use the "D" word. It's bad enough being dead without people reminding me of it all the time.
BD: Oh, sorry, I never thought that before. I'll rephrase the question: Is the "no sex" thing the worst part about being non-corporeal?
G: Yeah, that's probably the absolute worst part. I do miss some physical things like that - having sex, eating steak, drinking beer...
BD: Wow, no beer, bummer. So is there anything good about being a ghost?
G: Oh, sure, tons of stuff is good - in the first place, you save a buttload of money on travel expenses. I can go wherever I want for free - no gas money, no airfare, and I stay wherever I want, all for free! And no waiting in security lines! If I wanted to go to Tahiti right now, I'd just zap on over there! I'm pure energy, I travel at the speed of light! I can take a day trip to Tahiti! Hell, I could take a day trip to Mars. Actually, I've been there, and I can tell you that NASA is wasting their time - plenty of sand but no good beaches.
Mr. Ghost Travel Photos
G: Well I could go if I wanted to, but that's quite a trip so I don't generally go that far. It would take a year to get there, and to make it worth my while I'd probably spend at least a year there, and then it would take a year to get back. So I'd miss three seasons of "So You Think You Can Dance".
BD: You watch TV?
G: Of course I watch TV, everybody watches TV. Just because you're a ghost doesn't mean you can't veg out in front of the tube.
BD: What's your favorite show?
G: Sitcoms, mostly. I usta watch soaps, but they haven't had a really compelling story line since Luke and Laura.
BD: What do you do when you're not watching TV or travelling?
G: Oh, anything I want. Well, anything except sex and eating, but we've already covered that. I enjoy swimming, skydiving, surfing the web. I read your blog about Ghost Poo, by the way, and I'd like to thank you for not trying to pin that on me. People are always blaming Ghost Poo on me, and I get really tired of it.
BD: You're welcome, but my blog is for revealing the Truth, and I knew it wasn't you causing all that poo to vanish so I couldn't in good conscience tell the readers, all three of them, incorrect information. Anything else you enjoy?
G: Well, I'm a ghost, so I do the occasional haunting. We all do, it's in the manual.
BD: Who do you haunt?
G: Anybody I want to, really. If I see someone who needs to be taken down a peg, I'll give 'em a little scare. I haunted the heck out of the guy who cancelled "Charles in Charge".
BD: Who have you haunted recently?
G: Dick Cheney. Almost shorted out his pacemaker, too! You shoulda seen his face! I almost laughed my sheet off!
BD: I'd sure like to see a picture of that!
G: Oh, they're awfully comfortable! I don't have a body, so it doesn't matter what I look like, and these things are just so flowy and convenient! Plus it saves tons of wardrobe planning - I don't have to think about what I'm going to wear for the day, I just grab the next sheet out of the closet and I'm done!
BD: Thanks for your time, Mr. Ghost.
G: My Pleasure, Baba. And one last thing... BOO!
G: Sorry, couldn't resist. Old habit, you know.
BD: That's OK. Have a nice day!