This one is Really Important

OK folks, enough messing around. Today's Secret of the Universe is of paramount importance to life as we know it. Of course I'm talking about the number one issue of our time,

GLOBAL WARMING!

Yes, Global Warming is real. It's happening right now, as I type this. Right outside your window the Earth is getting hotter. This really shouldn't even be a question anymore, the signs are blatantly obvious. I mean really, who could possibly be oblivious to the fact that daytime average temperatures in the Northern Hemisphere have risen over 30 degrees Fahrenheit over just the past six months! Who wouldn't be startled by that statistic? C'mon folks, wake up and smell the scalding hot coffee!

Now that that's settled, the next question is what can we do to save ourselves? The only answer is: Move. Yes, just like when you puked in the hallway of that apartment a few years ago and never could get rid of the smell, the only thing you can do now is just pack up and move. The time is now to plow all your money and effort into NASA and other space-related ventures so you can just get the heck off this screwed-up, overheated, puke-smelling planet.

Hurry up people! The clock is ticking!