Time Travel 101

Howdy again folks. Time for the Great Baba Doodlius to reveal another Secret of the Universe!

Many people have expressed interest in today's topic. Well, nobody has specifically asked about it, because exactly nobody reads this blog, but considering how many books and movies have been made on the topic I'd have to assume that plenty of people are interested. So here we go with the secret of

TIME TRAVEL!

There is an amazing device that is known to many humans, but all of its properties have not been thoroughly explored. The device is called a "Kinetic Entropy Gyrometer" ("K.E.G."), and it has been used for decades by many humans, especially fraternity members, for dispensing liquids. However, unknown to the human race, the device imparts Temporal Motive Force to its contents, allowing movement through time!

My experiments with the K.E.G. used a substance commonly available on earth known as "beer". The experiment went as follows:

1) Infuse K.E.G with experimental substance, "beer".
2) Energize the K.E.G. by reducing ambient temperature.
3) Operate K.E.G. using control mechanism, the "Temporal Actuation Processor" ("T.A.P."), to dispense experimental substance
4) Consume experimental substance

After iterating steps 3 and 4 approximately 19 times (I somehow lost the ability to take notes somewhere around the 13th iteration), my environment faded to black. As it returned to its normal appearance, I checked my chronometer and verified that it was now 12 hours in the future! Time Travel had been achieved!

Similar results were obtained with other experimental substances such as wine, vodka, and tequila, but side effects varied tremendously between substances, some of which were highly unpleasant.

Chalk up another Secret of the Universe to Baba Doodlius!