Here are the secrets. But first a word from our sponsor.

Howdy all you humans. I am Baba Doodlius, and I am here to reveal all the secrets of the Universe. But first a word from our sponsor:

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And now, without furhter ado, I'll move on to revealing some secrets of the Universe.

Secret #1: Birds are cool.

Now you know the first and most important secret of the Universe. Even though you may think that this secret was not really so much of a secret, you'd be surprised to know that many humans have until now been totally unaware of the major cooliosity of birds. Really! I know, some people just aren't very observant! But I just took care of that, so in the future everybody will know.

OK, so that one wasn't exactly superstring theory or a how-to on time travel, but hey, I had to start somewhere. Look for even bigger secrets to be revealed in future installments! (For you folks out there who already know about time travel, tell your friends that I'm not kidding!)

Have a nice day!