post-foo The Thoughts and Sayings Of Baba Doodlius: Clear the Area!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Clear the Area!

Hello once again! And how are all you Pilgrims on the Journey of Truth today? I trust you're in good spirits and are ready for another Revelation from yours truly, Baba Doodlius. Hm? I thought so! So here we go with today's Secret of the Universe!

This week our Mystery may get me into a little trouble with the Government of the United States of America. You see, what I'm about to reveal is classified


This means that once I reveal the Truth behind this Mystery, large genltlemen with badges and firearms will probably start following me and tapping my phones. The nature of this Mystery goes directly to the heart of a U.S. Government Secret that dates back several decades and has fostered a huge, fanatical following of conspiracy theorists who have been seeking to shed light on this Secret. I am referring to that renowned center of clandestine activity in the deserts of Nevada known as

AREA 51!!!

Area 51 is the not-so-secret code name of an installation run by the U.S. Military out in the middle of absolutely nowhere. As the old saying goes, the location's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there. This location was considered so Top Secret that no aircraft are allowed anywhere near it, and its existence was officially denied until the 1980's, when the Soviets, trying to scare up some extra cash, started selling satellite photos of it to the conspiracy theorist crowd.

Actual satellite photo of Area 51

When you start poking around the perimeter of Area 51, you are greeted by pleasant signs that make you feel right at home:

The "Warning" section says something about being targeted by guys with big guns

Well, you feel right at home if you grew up in prison, or in Soviet-era Eastern Europe.

All the secrecy surrounding Area 51 has given rise to a cadre of amateur investigators who have been trying to pull back the curtain on this facility for decades. The theories about activities in Area 51 range from the mundane (Developing surveillance aircraft like the U-2)

to the bizarre (Performing autopsies on the occupants of crashed alien spacecraft).

As usual, all of the theories proposed so far are completely wrong. This is because the Great and Powerful Baba Doodlius has never joined in the investigation - until now!

Taking advantage of my unique detective abilities, I was able to infiltrate Area 51 and obtain actual photographic evidence of the Top Secret activities that go on there! And what I have discovered may SHOCK and possibly SICKEN you!


OK, don't say I didn't warn you. I have discovered that Area 51 is actually...

A karaoke bar. For U.S. Government employees.

Apparently they built the airstrip in order to clandestinely transport U.S. Government workers from Washington D.C. to the karaoke bar in Nevada. They had to put the bar way, waaaay out there because most of the participants are elected officials, and if anyone ever saw and heard what they were all doing, the whole lot of them would be summarily voted out of office by the nauseated public!

Surpressing my need to toss my cookies, I was able to sneak into the facility to get some pictures of some of the festivities (you should thank me for not bringing a tape recorder):

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) sings "I Got You Babe" with Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY)

Vice President Dick Cheney gives us his best sneer as he sings Elvis' "You Ain't Nothin' but a Hound Dog". As usual, the Vice President only sings solo.

In the evening's finale, Senator John McCain (R-AZ) went head-to-head with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) in the "Congressional Idol" contest. Their duet performance of "You're The One That I Want" from the musical "Grease" was met with polite applause by the 7 audience members who had not yet passed out drunk.

That was all I could take. After snapping these photos I fled like a bird out of hell, nearly getting captured by military guards when I paused near the front gate to retch up my dinner. (No pictures of that, folks - use your imagination. Or better yet don't.)

So that, dear reders, is the awful, horrifying truth of Area 51. I sure hope you appreciate this one, folks - it may take me weeks to recover!


Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Marvelous! Thanks for tickling my funny bone.

moooooog35 said...

Nice job! - aaah...the miracles of Photoshop.

Good humor - like the site. I'll give you a link on mine:

Check mine out if you havent' already.


Kathleen Mortensen said...

Dear Baba,

Hilarious blog.
Btw, you sell yourself short, your poetic reflection on my "rude awakening" was quite good.

Made you a "blogfellow" will you do me the honour?


Baba Doodlius said...

Nick: Thanks once again. Glad I can be of service.

Moooooooooooog35: (Was that too many o's? I just held down the key.) No Photoshop, I just take pictures. You're now on the blogroll!

K-mort: I'm just a rhyme hacker, not a poet. You have some really good poemy stuff! Thanks for the blogroll - you're now on mine. That's two in one day. WOOHOO!

NeoAuteur said...

I have always thought Hillary looks like a man.....but a muscle man?

Oswegan said...

Funny stories BD.



Linda and her Surroundings said...

How frightening. All those aliens - er - politicians at a Karaoke bar. I knew there was more to it!

Azzitizz said...





Monday Morning Power said...

Oh Baba,
You have absolutely validated why I link to you.

You had me going for a while. WELL DONE. This is by far the best laugh I have had in days.........still laughing...........I can't seem to stop.

me said...

Baba Doodlius. First time at your blog and Area 51 was awesome! :).

Delirious said...

This definitely explains some of the questions I've had about area 51. And what of all those alien bodies that have been secreted away? Probably political candidates who passed out drunk after listening to Hillary wail. Finally we are getting to the truth.

Monday Morning Power said...

Thank you for participating in my “Why do you Blog?” post. Can you please give me your email address; I would like to discuss something with you.

Mine is

Baba Doodlius said...

Neo: Yeah, that Hillary does like to work out a bit.

Oswegan: Thanks! I have now visted your site, and I'll be back!

Linda: My blood is still curdling.

Azz: I'll take that medal. I only do this for the immense personal rewards.

Monday: Glad I could entertain as well as educate. By the by, an e-mail is on the way.

Me: Thanks! Area 51 is actually better in the satellite view - get too close and it gets rather chilling.

Delirious: I saw no alien bodies, unless you count Dennis Kucinich.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I was wondering if anyone would notice the absence on Africa on that absurd map. Congratulations for the first and maybe the only one.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Bwahahahahah. Hey, this could be the real story here. Bwahahahaah. :)

lin said...