post-foo The Thoughts and Sayings Of Baba Doodlius: The Sting of Mystery - Solved!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Sting of Mystery - Solved!

On last update, I had discovered that my old buddy Buckirk McGurk the chicken was the mastermind of the "Hive Action League" (HAL), who has kidnapped millions of North American honeybees and demanded a 10 billion Euro ransom!

But something just doesn't add up here. I know Buckirk McGurk. Buckirk McGurk is a friend of mine. The bee-napping mastermind is no Buckirk McGurk!

So I'm back to the drawing board, looking for more clues to this Mystery using the only evidence I have, which is the picture that HAL sent with their ransom demand:



Hmmm... there's something besides the chicken in this picture that I recognise - that mountain range in the background looks awfully familiar:



Now where have I seen that before? AHA! I got it! I seem to recall a postcard, sent to me by none other than Buckirk McGurk, when he went on vacation a few years back:



Those mountains are the Grand Tetons! Let's see, Grand Teton National Park, quite famous for its striking natural beauty, is located in the state of Wyoming in the U.S. of A.


Wyoming, hmmm...


And that name, "HAL" - where have I heard that before?


What... are... you... doing... Dave?

Yeah, there was the crazy computer in that movie "2001 - A Space Odyssey"*. But I've seen those letters more recently than that. Wait a minute, I think I remember...



HAL is the stock ticker symbol for Halliburton Company!


Hmmm... Wyoming... Halliburton...


No. Oh, no. It can't be!


Ziiiiiiiiiiiiip!






That's not Buckirk McGurk! It's Dick Cheney!


U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney and his buddies at Halliburton, where he was formerly the CEO, are behind the kidnapping of all the North American honeybees! Why would they do something like that? I have to infiltrate Halliburton headquarters to get to the bottom of this! Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back!


...


(Wow, this is some white-knuckle suspense right here, ain't it? Worth the price of admission, I tell you!)


...


I'm back! And I know exactly why Halliburton kidnapped all those bees! Check out the following unassailable evidence:



Halliburton is working on genetically modifying honeybees to spit out oil instead of honey! But they don't want to put their oil business profits into the research, so they came up with this kidnapping and ransom scheme to 1) get plenty of test subjects, and 2) to fund the genetic research!




Uh, well, hmm...

Let's see here - Dick Cheney is the Vice President of the United States, and Halliburton is a multi-billion multinational corporation.


I am a bird.


Sorry folks, but I have exactly zero clout here - these folks will just not listen to me when I ask them to please release all the bees!

So, the next time you see Dick Cheney or a Halliburton employee, please ask them very nicely to let the bees go! Bees are our friends! Bees wanna be free! Free the Bees!




* R.I.P. Arthur Clarke. That was quite an imagination you had!

18 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Foghorn Leghorn would sort this out if he were made president of Haliburton.

Poetikat said...

We need to start a petition - the AHL - Anti Hal League. (My sister and I once ran the AWL (Anti-WHAM!-League)and look what happened there; need I remind you about the big split and the subsequent humiliation of George Michael?) The AHL could be HUGE! Start with celebrity endorsement - say some big-name vegetarian (they like honey, don't they? - any suggestions you followers of the Great B. Doodlius, Esq.?
Well, I've got you started...take it from here. And good luck with this vital mission.
Kat

i beati said...

I cannot stop laughing - so so good - the way he comes out of that suit hahahaah

Lydia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lydia said...

Hello Babba doodlius, I love this. It's soooooooooo funny. Thank you for putting a smile on my face today!

Baba Doodlius said...

gorilla: how 'bout Foghorn Leghorn for President of the U.S. of A.? He's got my vote!

poetikat: so YOU'RE the one behind the downfall of Wham and George Michael! The world owes you a huge debt of gratitude!

i beati
and
lydia: They say the Truth will set you free. I'm glad it can also set you laughing!

moooooog35 said...

Ah.

This explains why I saw a truck driver filling his vehicle with yellow-jackets instead of diesel.

InnerNinja said...

this is an example of citizen journalism at its very best... or at least most creative.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Wow, what an amazing post. I'm with you......let's free the bees.

Placa de Vídeo said...

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Baba Doodlius said...

moog: no, that truck driver had a yellow-jacket engine, which uses their collective wing energy to turn a turbine. It's experimental, but promising.

innerninja: well thank you very much! It was tough to catch Cheney ererging from that chicken suit, I had to wait around for hours!

squirrel: thank you as well! If I get any bee-related updates I'll keep you informed.

placa: I noticed that you don't actually *have* a blogroll on your blog, but thanks for the sentiment anyway. Thanks also for the news, in Portugese, of the nVidia Geforce 8500 GT.

Pan/Thanatos said...

Soooo...
Dick was the cock??

Baba Doodlius said...

pan/than: yer killin' me.

Poetikat said...

Dood, Please e-mail me at poetikat@myway.com I want to tell you something important!

Kat

Baba Doodlius said...

Ooh, a mysterious message from Poetikat! That mean ol' George Michael must be causing trouble again!

Marja said...

Just visiting Baba. Hilarious but also this story touches my heart. My grandfather was a beekeeper. So I will campaign with you Free the Bees!!!!

Baba Doodlius said...

Hey Marja! Thanks for dropping by! How you feeling? Beekeeping is a tough business - bees are actually getting stolen from them. There's a crime I never would have predicted!

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Truly you are the bee's knee's.